But what is privilege, then, but a lack of limitation? It’s simply not putting an “I can’t because” in front of one’s identity. From a human, energetic, universal perspective, what is the difference between a straight white man and anyone else? He has never been taught that his identity will stop him from getting anything. Consciously or subconsciously (or subliminally via the media), the messages he’s received have told him he is a standard, normal human being whose limitations are purely human. Nothing else. The rest of the world has been told somehow along the way that their identity will hinder/prevent certain things, and as long as those messages are accepted, they continue to shape our world in a way we don’t like.
Well, that’s my opinion.
I’m sure many of you who’ve read LOA or positive thinking books have encountered the fact that the reader is always referred to as “he.” Despite the fact that the authors are telling us to create our own worlds and not limit ourselves, they exclude women from being successful in terms of business/careers. It has bugged me a bit, but I have to make excuses like “well, they were living in a different time” or “they didn’t realize they were doing that.” While that may be true, it is a relief to see that one [male!] author addressed this in a book.
Stuart Goldsmith, author of The Midas Method, writes:
Here are two fairly typical examples: JOHN: “I’m useless at maths!” DAD: “Nonsense son, you’ll just have to try harder.”
Compare this with: MARY: “I’m useless at maths.” DAD: “Never mind sweetie, you can’t have a pretty face AND be clever at everything can you?”
Going right back to the beginning of this book, do you remember that I told you how I read every ‘Positive Thinking’ book that I could get hold of, then synthesised my own method? Well one thing that really struck me after about the fifth book, was that women were totally excluded from these books. In every single book, the reader was always referred to as “he” NEVER “she” and the books were all crawling with nice little sexist examples using a boss, (always a man), and a secretary, (always a woman), as the main characters.
Why do I make this point? Because ‘Positive Thinking’ books are rarely aimed at women. Women are NOT encouraged by our society to raise their level of I-CAN belief. In fact it is definitely frowned upon if a woman appears too capable or appears to believe in herself (unless that belief is confined to ‘safe’ subjects like cooking or bringing up babies). Most women who do possess a high level of I-CAN have long ago learnt the trick of playing it down – especially in front of male associates.
It is not my intention to explore the subject of sexism at length in this book. I am not qualified to do so, and it has been well covered by other authors. I only wanted to use this as an example of how a lifetime of training in lowering a person’s I-CAN belief, can result in their being confined under a very low ceiling. I said earlier that most people are confined under a three foot ceiling; if you’re a woman reading this then subtract one foot!
It’s awesome that he recognized that and addressed it so well. It’s really important to include women in talks of ambition, success and riches without limiting them to outdated social rules.
It is my hope to one day inspire women with books, quotes or other pieces of writing that allow them to feel as valued, as capable, and as worthy of success as they are meant to be. We have always been equal, and we’re waking up from the collective delusion that suggested otherwise.
I’m really grateful to him for addressing it.
Just a follow-up from yesterday’s post, if you haven’t read it, it’s here.
It was now my second date with this guy, and I found it really difficult to go makeup-free. This was a nice restaurant in a higher-end area, which made me feel pressured to wear makeup. I resisted the urge, got super dressed up and decided that was way more than enough.
When he confirmed that we were still on, he sent a message that read: “best bring your A-game, girl.” Now, this was really normal for our interactions- sarcastic, playful, fake-insulting. But my panicked mind that was already struggling with the insecurity of looking desirable without makeup wondered: “is he telling me to make sure I look good?”
Good news: he wasn’t.
But it took me forever to calm myself down and decide that it meant nothing of the sort. I stuck to my decision, wrapped my afro in a new scarf, got DRESSED TO THE NINES, and pumped myself with extra confidence. He picked me up, it was great, the date was AWESOME, and when I mentioned something in passing about my not wearing makeup, he didn’t react in any way. Honestly, guys hardly notice these things.
But as if the Universe was poking fun at me, we were seated on the edge of one section, AGAINST THE MIRROR. No joke. So, I received unsolicited reminders throughout the evening like “hey girl, no make up?” It was a great challenge, dancing with those demons, telling them that they were wasting their time because I was having an awesome date with this guy that makeup would not have enhanced. My self-esteem was the same, any shyness was a result of the vulnerable moment in the conversation, and we want to see each other again.
So, what have I learnt? Makeup really and truly is optional. And if the end goal of applying makeup is to look and feel good- why not do that in the mind? The power’s all in there.
Anywho, Part 2 of Social Conditioning is coming soon, so stay tuned for more mind-power things! Yay!
Much love, A
Part 1: Make-Up or Nah?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how things came to be: how society became the way it was, how things changed over the years and how things could be if people thought differently. So, I’ve decided to start a series about this, mostly from the perspective of being a woman. Continue reading “Social Conditioning: Part 1”
Hello, wonderful humans! I trust you’re having an exciting Black Friday full of glorious deals 🙋🏽
In the spirit of celebration, today’s post is about all the awesome things that have happened for women around the world. What you focus on multiplies, so let’s get right into that. Continue reading “GoodNews Friday”